Just because l’m a woman

I find it really crazy and so unnecessary some of the things that women do to impress their so called “hubbies/boyfriends”. Do you know that women use different staff on their private parts just to keep “it” tight because men do not enjoy “it” when its “loose”. It’s all in the name of taking care of the so called husband/boyfriend, doing everything possible to ‘impress’ him so that he does not get tempted to go out there and be with other women. But let me remind you of something, they still go out there and do whatever they want.

Society says it is natural for men to be in relationships with more than one woman but if l dare date more than one man, l’m a bitch. It’s right for a married man to approach and have a relationship with me because all men cheat on their wives, all that matters is that in the end of the day they go back home to them. But if l date a married man, l am a home breaker/destroyer, a girl without self-respect. I get pregnant out of wedlock, l am the bitch that failed to keep her legs closed but nothing is ever said about the man who impregnated me. I get two or three children out of wedlock, no man is willing to marry me but l am expected to accept a man with his train of babies. All the blame is on me at the end of the day, just because l am a woman.

A woman is expected to cook, wash dishes, clean the house and take care of the children. It does not matter either you are working or not. Since l hate washing dishes and cooking, guess what!! that makes me a little less of a real woman and you know what they say, no man can ever marry a woman who is not well trained and good in doing all these things.

It all starts when we are kids. “A girl is not supposed to get dirty”, “when you grow up you will get married and have children with your husband”, “it is normal for a girl to be soft and cry”, “do not climb that tree, girls don’t climb trees”. All these (and many more) are phrases l (and other women out there) have heard since l was a kid. Everyone around me kept on hammering those words until it became part of my blood stream. There is no room for me to decide what l want. The structure of my life was set for me (and any other girl out there) before l was even born.

My friends keep on telling me that l’m in some sort of a growing up stage in which l find myself questioning the does and don’t that the society laid down for me. They believe one day l will meet this supernatural man who will make me change my mind. Maybe they are right, l do not know but what l know is all these dos and don’ts, expectations that the society has for me, just take away my freedom of deciding what l want and how l want to live my life.

Back in the old days, every mother’s dream was to see her little girl maturing into a proper wife material kind of a woman, get married and be docile to that husband whom she has to bear children for. Thank God there has been a slight change in that structure of life and girls have to graduating before getting pregnant. Then pursue the second and greatest achievement which is marriage and having a family.

I remember very well each time we went to our rural home and my mom kept on teaching me all those ekhaya chaos but since l have always been lazy when it comes to hand work, l also kept on complaining. My mom always said: “You have to learn these things my child, you never know where your future husband is going to take you. You might go to ekhaya labo and find yourself forced to do all these things,” with a soft voice trying to make me understand the importance of acquiring vast knowledge about house chaos.  Honestly, it ain’t in me. I do not see the reason why l should do all those things just because l’m a woman.

My grandmother on the other side is always busy with her song “lina bantwana lifuna ngize ngife ngingabonanga abantwabenu (you children you want me to die before seeing your kids”. She says so because in her eyes, we are old enough to have children and establish our own families. At the same time every person around me is asking me if l have met the man l will marry. All this is my reality as a young African woman, reality that l find so hard to cope with. Reality that scares me because everyone around me seems to believe it is the natural way of life. But who defines natural?

Maybe my friends are right, maybe this is just a temporary mind and one day l will find myself accepting this “natural reality” set for me by society and earn the great respect that comes with following the right path. Until that day, remember that l am a human being before being a woman. #ThinkingOutLoud

                                     image  from pinterest Inspiring Women

Where is JUSTICE? Rape!!!

I was reading the chronicle newspaper sometime last week and the front page story that caught my eyes had a big headline “herdsmanimpregnates boss’s daughter; Grade 7 pupil drops out of school; BUT JUDGE LETS HIM GO FREE.” Before even reading the story l was like “what?” a ruthless man impregnates a kid and the judge lets him go free??? Again earlier this week another front page story appeared in the same newspaper which was a follow up on last week’s story, with headline “5-monthspregnant aged 13; BULILIMA ABUSE GIRL TELLS ALL; ‘I didn’t know what l wasdoing’’. The two stories just evoked something in me and l couldn’t resist writing about it.

Just a little background on the issue, what the newspaper reported to have happened is Conscience Nleya impregnated a 13year old child and was arraigned before a magistrate for his offence. He told the magistrate that he was in love with the kid and they had plans of getting married, building a family together. The magistrate decided that a wholly suspended prison term of 12 months on “good behavior” and 315 hours of community service was the suitable sentence for this man.

Honestly speaking l do not see any justice in this, how can a man who does so much evil to a child and literary destroy her future be left to move around the community freely? The magistrate even said it that the uneducated man had destroyed the innocent child’s future yet he gets community service for a sentence.

Children need protection against such heartless men and when an incident like this happens, a harsh message needs to be sent to scare even those who might consider doing the same crime in future. So what are we saying as a society? Are we saying that men can just have 315hours of community service for having sex with a minor? Why is the charge even ‘having sexual intercourse with a minor’ when it did not end there but he impregnated her? Where is justice? Where is protection of girl child?

Poor child her silence was bought with sweets which show just how innocent and childish she was. On the second story the child was telling her side of the story. She said she did not know what she was doing when she had sex with this ruthless man. She even went on to say she was not sure what her aunty meant when she said she might be pregnant. God! This world is full of evil that children needed serious protection against.

I wonder how many kids get raped like this each and every passing day. If this girl hadn’t been pregnant, no one was going to know that she was being abused. Imagine how many girls face this in every corner of the country yet it goes unreported. Innocent children, innocent girls with bright future ahead of them yet someone see a wife in them.

The 13-year-old's father said that no form of punishment can restore his daughter's innocence. It is very true even if the man is sent to prison for 30years, the child's innocence is gone, gone for good and she is left with a child who will alway be a continuous reminder of what she went through. This is so sad

Let us stand up as a community and protect kids, something needs to be done. Parents be friendly with your children so that they will be free enough to tell you when they face this kind of abuse. Children need to be educated at school and at home about sexual abuse and what they should do when people abuse them. These kids are the future, our tomorrow leaders. Let us protect them and protect our tomorrow.