I
find it really crazy and so unnecessary some of the things that women do to
impress their so called “hubbies/boyfriends”. Do you know that women use
different staff on their private parts just to keep “it” tight because men do
not enjoy “it” when its “loose”. It’s all in the name of taking care of the so
called husband/boyfriend, doing everything possible to ‘impress’ him so that he
does not get tempted to go out there and be with other women. But let me remind
you of something, they still go out there and do whatever they want.
Society
says it is natural for men to be in relationships with more than one woman but
if l dare date more than one man, l’m a bitch. It’s right for a married man to
approach and have a relationship with me because all men cheat on their wives,
all that matters is that in the end of the day they go back home to them. But
if l date a married man, l am a home breaker/destroyer, a girl without
self-respect. I get pregnant out of wedlock, l am the bitch that failed to keep
her legs closed but nothing is ever said about the man who impregnated me. I
get two or three children out of wedlock, no man is willing to marry me but l
am expected to accept a man with his train of babies. All the blame is on me at
the end of the day, just because l am a woman.
A
woman is expected to cook, wash dishes, clean the house and take care of the
children. It does not matter either you are working or not. Since l hate
washing dishes and cooking, guess what!! that makes me a little less of a real
woman and you know what they say, no man can ever marry a woman who is not well
trained and good in doing all these things.
It
all starts when we are kids. “A girl is not supposed to get dirty”, “when you
grow up you will get married and have children with your husband”, “it is
normal for a girl to be soft and cry”, “do not climb that tree, girls don’t climb
trees”. All these (and many more) are phrases l (and other women out there) have
heard since l was a kid. Everyone around me kept on hammering those words until
it became part of my blood stream. There is no room for me to decide what l
want. The structure of my life was set for me (and any other girl out there)
before l was even born.
My
friends keep on telling me that l’m in some sort of a growing up stage in which
l find myself questioning the does and don’t that the society laid down for me.
They believe one day l will meet this supernatural man who will make me change
my mind. Maybe they are right, l do not know but what l know is all these dos
and don’ts, expectations that the society has for me, just take away my freedom
of deciding what l want and how l want to live my life.
Back
in the old days, every mother’s dream was to see her little girl maturing into
a proper wife material kind of a woman, get married and be docile to that
husband whom she has to bear children for. Thank God there has been a slight
change in that structure of life and girls have to graduating before getting
pregnant. Then pursue the second and greatest achievement which is marriage and
having a family.
I
remember very well each time we went to our rural home and my mom kept on
teaching me all those ekhaya chaos
but since l have always been lazy when it comes to hand work, l also kept on
complaining. My mom always said: “You have to learn these things my child, you
never know where your future husband is going to take you. You might go to ekhaya labo and find yourself forced to
do all these things,” with a soft voice trying to make me understand the
importance of acquiring vast knowledge about house chaos. Honestly, it ain’t in me. I do not see the
reason why l should do all those things just because l’m a woman.
My
grandmother on the other side is always busy with her song “lina bantwana lifuna ngize ngife ngingabonanga abantwabenu (you
children you want me to die before seeing your kids”. She says so because in
her eyes, we are old enough to have children and establish our own families. At
the same time every person around me is asking me if l have met the man l will
marry. All this is my reality as a young African woman, reality that l find so
hard to cope with. Reality that scares me because everyone around me seems to
believe it is the natural way of life. But who defines natural?
Maybe
my friends are right, maybe this is just a temporary mind and one day l will
find myself accepting this “natural reality” set for me by society and earn the
great respect that comes with following the right path. Until that day,
remember that l am a human being before being a woman. #ThinkingOutLoud
image from pinterest Inspiring Women
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